I'm gonna have a badass scar
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
