How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
