i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
