Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize