omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
