You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
