mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
