i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
