that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
