I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
