you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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