Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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