I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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