No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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