I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
