the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Did I show you my penis last night?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
