Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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