there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
