her vagine was all disorganized.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
