Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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