oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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