my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
