I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
