you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
