please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
