apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
