THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
