your parents love me but you hate me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
