Someone shit on the floor
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
