what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
