i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
