two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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