How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
