Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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