Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
