I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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