I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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