Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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