i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
