I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
