Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
