You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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