I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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