Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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