We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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