i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
