Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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