I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
