Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
