I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize