Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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