Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have post one night stand depression
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