i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
