I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
