First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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