YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
