Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
