I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
