the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
