bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
