And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
