It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You should frame my arrest warrant.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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