Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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