fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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