You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I wear drunk well.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
