I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize