i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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