Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
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