YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I intend to get homeless drunk
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
