i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
