Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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