maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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