My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just had sex on a roof
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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