Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You are a genius and a whore.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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