It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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