She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is this like a preordered booty call?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
