I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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